I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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