FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
