peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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