Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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