you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
