Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
