I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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