I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
