dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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