Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
