i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
