fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
