Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
