When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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