its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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