C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
