haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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