She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
