The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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