How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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