i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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