You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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