The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
