He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
