I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How naked do you want me to be?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
