Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
