I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
