I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
