I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
