Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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