I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
