You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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