Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
