I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
