Pants 0. Shit 1.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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