M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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