i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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