i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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