Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
