And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
