Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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