no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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