I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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