But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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