im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're a waste of cheezeits
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
