She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
