The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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