Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm both gender and math confused
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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