Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
