turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
