i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Be still, my beating vagina.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
